It’s a funny thing, self-worth. Some people have it in spades, while others feel they’re always coming up short.
Interestingly, those who feel low on the self-worth scale often try to compensate for it. But here’s the catch – they usually do this in ways that are pretty easy to spot.
This overcompensation can take many forms, and I’ve identified eight key behaviors that are common among those wrestling with their self-esteem.
Let’s get started.
1) They often engage in self-deprecating humor
We’ve all been around that person who always seems to crack jokes at their own expense.
But when someone consistently uses self-deprecating humor, it could be a sign of low self-worth. They may be trying to control the narrative about themselves, and beat others to the punch by making fun of themselves before anyone else can.
It’s a defense mechanism, really. It’s like they’re saying, “If I laugh at myself first, then it won’t hurt as much if others laugh at me.”
But here’s the thing – while a little self-deprecation can be funny and even relatable, too much of it can be a clear sign of someone struggling with their self-esteem.
2) They often tend to overshare personal details
Have you ever met someone who spills their life story within the first few minutes of conversation? I have.
A few years back, I met a colleague named Tom. He was new to the office and on our first encounter, he gave me a play-by-play of his recent divorce, his struggle with weight gain, and even his financial troubles. It wasn’t just me – he shared these intimate details with everyone he interacted with.
At first, I thought Tom was just an open book. But as I observed him more, I realized it was something else. It was his way of seeking validation and sympathy – a way to overcompensate for the low self-worth he felt inside.
What Tom didn’t realize was that oversharing personal details, especially upon first encounters, often makes others uncomfortable. It’s a clear sign of someone trying to compensate for feelings of insignificance or inadequacy.
3) They frequently apologize unnecessarily
Saying “sorry” has become such a reflex that it’s almost like a verbal tic for some people. But did you know that unnecessary apologizing can be a sign of low self-worth?
People who struggle with feelings of inadequacy often feel the need to apologize even when they’re not at fault. They may feel like they’re constantly in the way or causing inconvenience to others, even when they’re not.
This constant need to apologize stems from their fear of rejection or disapproval. By saying sorry, they’re trying to smooth over any potential conflicts before they arise.
It’s an opportunity for us to reassure them that they don’t need to apologize so frequently and that they’re valued and respected.
4) They’re overly concerned about pleasing others
In the teachings of Buddhism, there’s an important concept called the “Middle Way”. It’s the idea of finding balance and avoiding extremes. This concept can be applied to many aspects of life, including our interactions with others.
Now, you might be wondering, what does this have to do with low self-worth?
Well, people who overcompensate for low self-worth often fall into the extreme of being overly concerned about pleasing others. They can become so consumed with meeting others’ expectations that they forget to take care of their own needs and wants.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I delve into the importance of finding this balance. Pleasing others can be a noble pursuit, but not at the expense of your own well-being and self-identity.
5) They often compare themselves to others
I remember back in high school, I had a friend who was always comparing himself to everyone else. Whether it was grades, athletic ability, or popularity, he seemed to measure his worth based on how he stacked up against others.
This constant comparison was his way of overcompensating for feelings of low self-esteem. He believed that if he could just match or surpass others in these areas, it would prove he was worthy.
But the truth is, comparison often leads to dissatisfaction and further depletes our self-worth. Each one of us is unique, with our own strengths and weaknesses. Recognizing and embracing this uniqueness can help us break free from the comparison trap and build a healthier sense of self-worth.
6) They often avoid taking risks
It might seem counter-intuitive, but people overcompensating for low self-worth often avoid taking risks. You might think someone constantly trying to prove their worth would take big, bold actions. But usually, the opposite is true.
Why? Because taking risks involves the possibility of failure. And for someone already grappling with feelings of inadequacy, the thought of failing and consequently feeling even less worthy is terrifying.
They prefer to stay in their comfort zone where they feel safe and unchallenged. It’s a way of protecting their already fragile self-esteem.
Encouraging them to take small, calculated risks could help boost their confidence and help them realize that failure isn’t the end of the world.
7) They constantly seek validation
We all need a pat on the back from time to time. It feels good to be acknowledged for our achievements. But for some, this need for validation goes beyond the occasional compliment.
People who overcompensate for low self-worth often need constant reassurance from others. Whether it’s about their looks, their work, or even their choices, they look for external validation to feel good about themselves.
This constant need for approval can be exhausting, not just for them but also for those around them. It’s a clear sign of someone trying to fill a void of self-worth with external validation.
If you notice someone who’s always seeking approval or validation, it might be an indication of low self-esteem. Encouraging them to find worth within themselves, rather than from outside sources, can be a great way to support them.
8) They often hide their true selves
The most important thing to understand about people who overcompensate for low self-worth is that they often hide their true selves. They put on a mask, projecting a persona that they believe is more acceptable or admirable.
This act of hiding is rooted in the fear of rejection. They believe that if people saw their real selves – flaws and all – they would be rejected or ridiculed.
But everyone has flaws, and acknowledging them is a part of being human. By hiding their true selves, they’re denying themselves the chance to be genuinely loved and accepted for who they are.
Everyone deserves to feel valued and accepted for their true self. Encourage them to embrace their authenticity because that’s where true self-worth lies.
Final reflection: It’s all about inner growth
The behaviors we’ve discussed are not just habits; they’re manifestations of a deep-seated struggle with self-worth. Recognizing these signs in ourselves or others is the first step towards healing and growth.
But remember, change doesn’t happen overnight. It’s a journey that requires patience, understanding, and compassion.
This is where the teachings of Buddhism can offer profound insights. Buddhism teaches us that true worth comes from within, not from external validation or comparison with others.
In my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I explore how these ancient teachings can help us cultivate a strong sense of self-worth and live a more balanced life.
So whether you’re struggling with low self-worth yourself or know someone who is, remember this: It’s okay to seek help. It’s okay to take time for self-reflection. And it’s okay to grow at your own pace.
Because at the end of the day, our worth isn’t defined by how we stack up against others. It’s about how we feel about ourselves when no one else is around. It’s about embracing our authentic selves, flaws and all.