Ever felt like you’re always talking, but nobody’s really listening? We’ve all been there. But what if that was your everyday experience growing up? Yeah, that’s a tough one.
Childhood is a crucial period in our lives where we learn how to express ourselves and be heard. But, what happens when that right is denied? What if your thoughts and feelings were constantly overlooked? How would that shape you as an adult?
As it turns out, those who never felt heard during their formative years display specific behaviors in adulthood. And we’re not talking about the occasional mood swings or temper tantrums. Nope! These behaviors are far more nuanced and recurring.
So ready to unravel the mystery? Let’s delve into these 7 behaviors typically displayed by adults who never felt heard while growing up.
1) They often over-communicate
Think back to those moments as a kid, trying to explain something but struggling to get your point across. For some, that frustration doesn’t fade with time.
As a result, many adults in this situation have a tendency to over-communicate. They might provide more details than necessary, repeat themselves, or talk for longer periods of time.
This isn’t because they love the sound of their own voice. Far from it. It’s a coping mechanism — a way to ensure that they are being fully understood and acknowledged. It’s their way of saying “I’m here, and what I have to say matters.” And honestly, isn’t that something we all want to feel?
2) They often seek validation
Here’s a confession: I used to constantly seek validation. I’d always find myself asking others for their opinions and their approval before I made decisions. It could be something as simple as choosing a restaurant for dinner or as complex as making a career move.
Why? It all stemmed from those long-ago days when I felt ignored or overlooked when my voice didn’t seem to matter. I wanted to make sure that this time, someone was listening, someone was acknowledging my thoughts and feelings.
So yes, adults who never felt heard growing up seek validation. It’s their way of ensuring that their voice, their presence, is recognized. It can be a hard habit to break, but understanding where it comes from is the first step towards change.
3) They may struggle with self-expression
Have you ever been at a loss for words? Felt like you just couldn’t articulate what was on your mind? This is a common experience for adults who never felt heard growing up.
Research shows that children who are regularly dismissed or ignored may have difficulty expressing themselves as they grow older. It’s like their voice has been muffled for so long that even they struggle to hear it.
They might find it hard to convey their thoughts, emotions, or needs effectively. It’s not that they don’t know what they want to say, but rather they’re unsure if their words will be valued or taken into consideration.
4) They have a heightened sensitivity to rejection
The human brain is a fascinating organ. It’s wired to respond to social rejection in a manner similar to physical pain. And for those who grew up feeling unheard, this sensitivity can be even more pronounced.
This heightened sensitivity stems from the constant dismissal they faced in their formative years. They may perceive rejection or criticism more acutely, and in situations where others might not see it at all.
You might observe this in their relationships or interactions with others – an intense fear of saying or doing something that might lead to rejection.
It’s not about being overly sensitive or dramatic. It’s just their brain’s way of avoiding the pain of feeling unheard or dismissed, a pain they’re all too familiar with from their past.
5) They may be great listeners
Now, this might seem a bit counter-intuitive. You’d think that people who never felt heard growing up would be more focused on their own voices, right? But the opposite is true.
Many times, these individuals become great listeners. They know what it’s like to talk without being heard, so they make a point of giving others the attention they themselves were denied. They tend to be empathetic, patient, and understanding—qualities that make for an excellent listener.
Even though they might have struggled to get their own voices heard, they’re exceptional at making sure others don’t have to go through the same experience. It’s a beautiful example of turning a negative experience into something positive. As Ralph G. Nichols once said, “The most basic of all human needs is the need to understand and be understood. The best way to understand people is to listen to them.”
6) They might avoid conflict
Nobody really enjoys conflict, but for those who never felt heard as kids, it can be particularly daunting. Why? Well, when their opinions were dismissed or ignored in the past, it could have been perceived as a form of conflict.
As adults, they might go out of their way to avoid disagreements or confrontations. They’d rather keep the peace than risk the discomfort of not being heard or understood. This may mean suppressing their own needs, desires, or opinions in the process.
This isn’t to say they can’t handle conflict at all—just that they might need some extra reassurance that their voice will be respected and valued in the process.
7) They might struggle with self-confidence
Self-confidence is a tricky thing, shaped by so many different factors, and one of the biggest influences is how much we feel heard and understood. In my own life, I’ve experienced moments when my voice was dismissed, leaving a dent in my self-confidence.
For many people, especially those whose voices weren’t acknowledged during childhood, self-confidence can become a real struggle. They may find themselves questioning their worth or doubting their abilities more than others. When your thoughts and feelings are regularly brushed aside, it’s easy to start believing they don’t hold much value.
Building self-confidence takes time and patience. It’s about learning to appreciate your own voice, even when others don’t. This journey is something we’re all navigating in one way or another.
The bottom line
When it comes to human behavior, it’s a complex tapestry woven from our past experiences. For those who never felt heard growing up, their adult behaviors might be deeply rooted in those childhood experiences.
It’s not blame or resentment. It’s empathy and understanding. Recognizing these behaviors in ourselves or others is the first step towards addressing them, towards giving voice to those who felt voiceless.
Perhaps you’ve seen these behaviors in yourself or someone you know. Maybe you’ve even recognized a bit of your own story in the experiences shared here. If that’s the case, keep in mind: it’s never too late to change, to grow, to make your voice heard.
Everyone has a unique story to share, an individual voice that deserves to be heard. So let’s start listening, understanding, and most importantly—let’s start acknowledging each other’s voices. Because every voice matters. Every single one.