It’s one thing to put yourself first, it’s another to be deeply selfish.
Deep-seated selfishness often operates under the radar, subtly driving behavior without the person even realizing it.
These individuals usually exhibit certain behaviors that whisper – not shout – about their self-centric perspective. And you know what? They don’t even realize they’re doing it.
In this piece, we’re going to delve into the 10 telltale behaviors of deeply selfish people.
Let’s get started.
1) Me first
We all have moments when we want to put ourselves first. But for deeply selfish individuals, this isn’t just an occasional occurrence – it’s a default way of thinking.
Their desires, needs, and perspectives take center stage, often at the expense of others. You’ll find them cutting in line, dominating conversations, or making decisions that primarily benefit themselves.
It’s not that they’re purposely trying to be malicious. Often, they’re oblivious to the impact of their actions on others.
The irony is that by constantly putting themselves first, they often alienate the very people they seek to impress or gain favor from.
It’s a self-defeating behavior that they’re usually unaware of – and that’s the first telltale sign of deep-seated selfishness.
2) Ignoring others’ needs
Now, let me share a personal story with you. A couple of years ago, I had a friend – let’s call him John. John was a classic case of the ‘life of the party’. People were drawn to his energy and charisma.
However, as I got to know him better, I noticed a pattern. Whenever we planned outings or trips, John would always insist on choosing the destination without considering others’ preferences. Once, I suggested going to a jazz concert because I’m a big fan of jazz music. John immediately shot down the idea saying he didn’t like jazz and we ended up going to a rock concert instead.
I realized that John was not considering others’ needs or interests when making decisions – it was always about him. He wasn’t doing it out of malice – he genuinely didn’t realize he was sidelining others.
And that’s another typical behavior of deeply selfish people – they’re often oblivious to the needs and wants of others, even when it’s right in front of them.
3) Lack of empathy
A defining characteristic of deeply selfish individuals is their lack of empathy. Empathy is the ability to understand and share the feelings of others. It’s what allows us to connect on a deeper level, to feel for others as if their experiences were our own.
Surprisingly, research has shown that selfish individuals often have the potential for empathy but choose not to employ it. A study published in the journal NeuroImage found that selfish people have the same capacity for empathy as more altruistic individuals, but they don’t activate this capacity unless specifically asked to do so.
This ‘switched-off’ empathy is often a protective measure for selfish individuals, allowing them to focus on their own needs without getting ‘distracted’ by the feelings or needs of others. It’s not that they can’t empathize – they just choose not to.
4) Playing the victim
Ever noticed how some people always seem to be the victim no matter what the situation is? That’s another common sign of deep-seated selfishness.
Selfish people tend to perceive themselves as the victims in situations where they don’t get their way. They spin narratives where they are the wronged party, often ignoring or downplaying their own role in causing the situation.
This constant victimhood allows them to justify their self-centered actions and disregard for others. It’s a self-protective mechanism, shielding them from taking responsibility for their actions and maintaining their self-centric view of the world.
If you notice someone always playing the victim, it might be more than just bad luck. It could be a sign of deeper selfishness at play.
5) Rarely expressing gratitude
Gratitude is a beautiful quality that helps us appreciate the good in our lives and the kindness of others. But deeply selfish people often have a hard time expressing gratitude.
They struggle to acknowledge the efforts of others because it would mean admitting that they needed help or that someone else contributed to their success. This doesn’t fit well with their self-centric worldview where they are the sole architects of their achievements.
You might notice them taking credit for success that was a team effort or failing to say thank you for a favor. It’s not necessarily intentional rudeness – it’s just another manifestation of their deeply ingrained selfishness.
6) Inability to genuinely celebrate others
Life is full of moments worth celebrating, from small personal victories to life-changing events. Sharing in the joy of others and celebrating their successes is a fundamental part of human connection.
But for deeply selfish individuals, this can be a real struggle. Sure, they might offer a congratulatory word or two, but their hearts are often not in it. You might even detect a hint of jealousy or resentment, especially if the success overshadows their own achievements.
This inability to genuinely celebrate others is truly heartbreaking. It not only isolates them from meaningful connections but also robs them of the joy that comes from sharing in the happiness of others. It’s a poignant reminder of how deep-seated selfishness can rob us of life’s most beautiful moments.
7) Constant need for validation
I remember a time when I was constantly seeking approval, always needing someone to validate my accomplishments. It was exhausting, not only for me but also for those around me.
It turns out, this constant need for validation is a common trait among deeply selfish people. They often need others to acknowledge their achievements or praise them, not because they lack self-esteem, but because it feeds their self-centric worldview.
This incessant need for recognition can strain relationships and push people away. In my case, it took some honest feedback and self-reflection to realize the negative impact of my behavior and start making changes.
8) Over-generosity
It may seem odd, but being overly generous can sometimes be a sign of deep-seated selfishness. Now, this isn’t to say that all generous people are selfish. Far from it.
However, for some, their generosity comes with strings attached. They might shower people with gifts or favors, but it’s often more about them than the person they’re supposedly helping. They use their generosity to control situations, get attention, or ensure they’re always seen in a positive light.
This type of generosity is more about self-gratification than altruism.
9) Disregard for boundaries
We all have our personal boundaries – those invisible lines that define what we are comfortable with. Respecting these boundaries is a key part of any healthy relationship.
But deeply selfish individuals often have a disregard for these boundaries. Whether it’s constantly invading personal space, dismissing feelings, or making decisions that affect others without their consent, they tend to prioritize their own comfort over respecting others’ boundaries.
This lack of respect can make interactions with them uncomfortable and even damaging. It’s a clear sign of a self-centric worldview, where their wants and needs reign supreme over everything else.
10) Lack of genuine interest in others
At the heart of deep-seated selfishness is a fundamental lack of genuine interest in others. Selfish individuals are often so focused on their own world that they fail to show true curiosity about the lives, experiences, or feelings of those around them.
This isn’t about being shy or introverted. It’s about a persistent self-focus that overshadows their ability to connect with others on a meaningful level. They might ask obligatory questions, but their interest often wanes if the conversation doesn’t turn back to them.
Genuine connection is rooted in mutual interest and empathy. If someone consistently shows a lack of interest in others, it’s a strong sign they’re dealing with more than just typical self-focus – it could be a sign of deep-seated selfishness.
A deeper look
We must remember that human behavior is complex and multilayered. Deep-seated selfishness is no different.
There’s a psychological concept called the ‘shadow self’, introduced by Swiss psychiatrist Carl Jung. This shadow self represents hidden parts of our personality that we’re not consciously aware of, and it can often drive behaviors we don’t fully understand.
For those displaying deep-seated selfishness, their actions could be manifestations of this shadow self. It might be a defense mechanism, a product of past experiences, or even a coping strategy.
Understanding this might not excuse their behavior, but it can help us approach them with more empathy and patience. The first step towards change is awareness, and recognizing these behaviors in ourselves or others is crucial in that journey.
As we explore the hidden corners of our personality and confront our shadow self, we open up possibilities for growth and transformation. In doing so, we can move beyond selfish tendencies and cultivate a deeper understanding of ourselves and others.