No relationship is perfect, but when certain phrases become a regular part of your partner’s language, they might be more than just words.
Repeatedly hearing things like “You’re too sensitive” or “I never said that” can be emotionally damaging and point to deeper problems.
If your partner often resorts to these phrases, it could be a sign that they’re the problematic one in the relationship.
Here are seven phrases to listen for, and why they could indicate something more toxic beneath the surface.
1) “You’re overreacting”
Being in a relationship is to share, to empathize and to validate each other’s feelings.
But what if your partner constantly tells you that you’re overreacting? This is a huge red flag.
This phrase is a classic example of gaslighting, a form of emotional abuse where a person makes you question your own feelings, thoughts, and sanity.
If your partner frequently labels your emotions as an overreaction, they’re not just dismissing your feelings but also manipulating you into believing that your responses are unwarranted.
2) “I was just joking”
Laughter and humor can be a key part of any healthy relationship.
But there’s a fine line between a harmless joke and a disguised insult.
In my own experience, I had an ex who would often say hurtful things to me, and then brush it off with “I was just joking” when I expressed my discomfort.
It took me some time to realize this was not okay.
This phrase was their way of belittling my feelings and avoiding responsibility for their words. It was their way of making me feel like the ‘buzzkill’ for objecting to comments that felt more like a jab than a jest.
If your partner regularly uses the phrase “I was just joking” as an excuse for saying hurtful things, they might be the problematic one in the relationship.
No one should make you feel small under the guise of humor.
3) “You always…” or “You never…”
Absolute phrases like “You always…” or “You never…” are usually an over-exaggeration and can be a sign of a problematic partner.
According to research in the field of relationship psychology, using absolute terms when arguing is one of the biggest predictors of divorce.
These kind of statements are not only false most of the time, but they also leave no room for dialogue or growth.
And ultimately, they can make the other person feel cornered and defensive.
4) “If you loved me, you would…”
This phrase is a classic example of emotional blackmail.
It can be subtle, yet it’s manipulative and very damaging.
“If you loved me, you would…” is a way of controlling your actions by questioning your love and commitment to the relationship.
It’s a tactic used to make you feel guilty and obliged to comply.
In a healthy relationship, love isn’t conditional or used as a bargaining chip.
Your partner should respect your boundaries, your autonomy and your decisions.
If this phrase comes up frequently in your relationship, it could be an indication that they’re the problematic one.
5) “It’s your fault”
Relationships are a two-way street and it takes both partners to make things work or otherwise.
But I once had a partner who was quick to point fingers at me for everything that went wrong.
“It’s your fault” became a common phrase in our relationship, leaving me constantly feeling guilty and at fault.
This blame game was not only unfair but also emotionally draining.
Blaming you for everything is a way of avoiding responsibility and accountability.
It’s an unhealthy behavior that can leave you feeling like you’re walking on eggshells.
6) “I’m sorry, but…”
Apologies are important in a relationship. They show remorse and a willingness to make things right.
But what happens when every apology comes with a “but”?
“I’m sorry, but…” is not a true apology. It’s an attempt to shift blame and deflect responsibility.
The ‘but’ often serves as a way to justify their actions or to make excuses.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should be able to apologize sincerely when they’re in the wrong without trying to divert the blame onto you.
7) “You’re too sensitive”
This phrase is a red flag that shouldn’t be ignored.
It’s another form of gaslighting and invalidating your feelings.
When a partner tells you that you’re too sensitive, they’re dismissing your emotions and making you question the validity of your feelings. It’s a way of invalidating your experiences and turning the focus away from their actions.
In a healthy relationship, your partner should respect your feelings, not belittle them.
Your emotions are valid, and you have every right to express them.
Final thoughts
At the heart of every successful relationship is mutual respect. It’s the cornerstone that holds everything else together.
Respect means valuing each other’s feelings, thoughts, and experiences.
It means accepting your partner for who they are, not belittling their emotions or blaming them for everything that goes wrong.
When respect is lacking, phrases like the ones we’ve discussed become commonplace.
They are not just words, but signals of deeper issues – disrespect, manipulation, gaslighting, emotional abuse.
Remember, you deserve to be in a relationship where your feelings are validated, your opinions are valued, and your emotions aren’t dismissed as an overreaction or sensitivity.