Want to level up your communication skills? You’re in the right place.
As a relationship expert, I’ve seen firsthand how communication can make or break the bonds between people.
Whether it’s with your partner, family, or colleagues, how you communicate has a huge impact on the strength and health of those relationships.
But sometimes, it’s the bad habits we don’t even realize we have that sabotage our connections. What habits?
The ones we cover today, of course. Let’s dive in.
1) Avoiding eye contact
Eye contact is a fundamental aspect of communication.
As researchers of a 2017 study put it, it’s “a powerful visual cue for building social links between communicating partners.”
But surprisingly, many of us are guilty of avoiding it.
Whether it’s due to shyness, distraction, or simply habit, not meeting someone’s gaze during a conversation can send the wrong message.
It can make you appear disinterested, dishonest, or even rude.
From my experience working with couples, I’ve noticed that those who make the effort to look at each other when speaking tend to understand each other better.
I know it’s a little anecdotal, but I think it’s worth mentioning.
Anyway, if you’re someone who feels shy about making direct eye contact, here’s a little trick: try looking at the person’s forehead instead.
They won’t know the difference, and it can help you ease into feeling more comfortable!
2) Neglecting body language
When we think of communication, we often focus solely on words.
But there’s so much more to it than that.
Some experts argue that over 90% of our communication has nothing to do with the words we choose to say—55% is nonverbal, and another 38% is about tone.
I’ve learned this firsthand.
In my early career, I used to get feedback that I seemed distant or unapproachable during discussions, even when I felt I was being friendly and open.
It took me a while to realize that it was my closed-off body language that was sending mixed signals.
Crossed arms, a slumped posture, lack of facial expression – these can all make you seem uninterested or defensive, even when your words say otherwise.
On the other hand, open postures and expressive gestures can make you seem more approachable and engaged.
So pay attention to your body language.
It’s a silent but powerful aspect of communication, and mastering it can take your skills to the next level.
3) Overusing filler words
Ever catch yourself saying “uh,” “um,” or “like” a little too often?
It happens to the best of us, but have you ever wondered what kind of impression it leaves on others?
Filler words are often used when we’re unsure, trying to buy time, or nervous about what to say next.
But the problem is, overusing them can make you come across as unconfident or even unprepared.
In fact, researchers have noted, “Excessive use of fillers in scientific presentations can reduce the speaker’s credibility as well as impair the comprehension of the speaker’s message by the audience.”
And it’s not just in scientific settings—too many fillers can disrupt the flow of any conversation, making it harder for others to focus on what you’re saying.
If you’re someone who relies on fillers, don’t worry—there’s an easy fix. Take a pause instead.
It might feel awkward at first, but those little moments of silence can make your speech more deliberate and impactful, giving you time to gather your thoughts without cluttering the conversation with unnecessary words.
4) Interrupting
In my work with couples, one of the most common issues I see is people talking over each other.
It’s not always out of malice—often, they’re eager to get their point across or feel misunderstood.
But interrupting can quickly turn a conversation into a power struggle, making it hard for either person to feel truly heard.
As the philosopher Epictetus put it, “We have two ears and one mouth so that we can listen twice as much as we speak.”
Interrupting sends the message that what you have to say is more important than the other person’s thoughts, and that can cause frustration and resentment to build.
If you find yourself cutting people off mid-sentence, try practicing patience.
Take a breath, let them finish, and only then respond.
It will be difficult at first, especially if you’re passionate about the conversation, but it shows respect and helps foster a more thoughtful, productive exchange.
5) Listening to respond rather than to understand
This is perhaps the most essential communication habit to break.
So many people fall into this trap.
Bestselling author Stephen Covey put it perfectly: “Most people do not listen with the intent to understand; they listen with the intent to reply.”
When you’re only focusing on what you’ll say next, you’re missing key parts of the conversation.
You’re not fully absorbing the other person’s thoughts, feelings, or perspective—which can leave them feeling unheard or misunderstood. This habit creates distance, rather than fostering meaningful connection.
To shift this dynamic, make a conscious effort to listen fully before responding.
Instead of jumping in with a reply the moment they stop speaking, take a moment to process what was said.
Ask follow-up questions to show you’re genuinely engaged.
By listening to understand rather than to respond, you’ll create deeper connections and more meaningful conversations.
Final thoughts
Becoming a high-quality communicator isn’t just about saying the right things. It’s also about knowing what habits to let go of and having the courage to do so.
As we’ve seen, these habits often lurk beneath the surface, subtly sabotaging our efforts to connect with others.
But with a little introspection and a lot of persistence, we can overcome them.
Remember, communication is the heart of every relationship.
It’s how we express our thoughts, share our feelings, and connect with others on a deeper level.
Becoming a better communicator is hard work.
But trust me, it’s worth every effort.
Because at the end of the day, it’s not just about becoming better speakers – it’s about becoming better listeners, better friends, better partners, and ultimately, better people.