There’s a real difference between being genuinely nice and just pretending to be. The truth often lies in the subtleties.
They say actions speak louder than words and that’s never more true than when it comes to judging someone’s character.
Often, it’s not the big things, but the small, subtle behaviors that reveal who someone truly is. And there are certain telltale signs that indicate someone might not be as nice as they seem.
In this article, I’m going to share with you 8 subtle behaviors that suggest someone might not be the nice person they’re pretending to be.
Let’s get started.
1) They’re consistently late
We’ve all been late to something at one point or another. Life happens. Traffic happens. But when someone is consistently late, it may reveal more about their character than you’d think.
Being punctual is a sign of respect. It shows that you value the other person’s time and that you consider their schedule as important as your own.
On the flip side, when someone is perpetually late, it can often indicate a lack of respect for others. It could suggest they think their time is more important than yours, which is not a characteristic of a genuinely nice person.
2) They’re quick to judge
We all have our moments of judgment, but there’s a line between occasional human nature and a consistent negative pattern.
I remember a time when I introduced a friend of mine to another friend, we’ll call him John. John was always quick to make snap judgments about people. This time was no different.
Before my friend had even left the room, John was already picking apart her appearance and questioning her choices, based solely on a few minutes of interaction.
It struck me then that this was more than just a one-off. This was a pattern of behavior that showed a lack of empathy and a tendency to judge others without really knowing them.
It’s this kind of behavior that can indicate someone may not be as nice as they initially seem.
3) They don’t listen
Believe it or not, the act of truly listening to someone else is a real skill, one that many people unfortunately lack. When someone is genuinely nice, they show an interest in what others have to say. They don’t just wait for their turn to speak, they actively engage and respond to the conversation.
On the contrary, people who consistently fail to listen can come across as self-centered or uninterested. It’s as if they’re saying your thoughts and experiences aren’t worth their time.
Good listeners not only have better relationships, but they’re also more likely to be perceived as likable. If you notice someone constantly talking over others or showing a lack of interest in conversations, it might be a sign that they’re not as nice as they seem.
4) They’re always playing the victim
We all face trials and tribulations in life. It’s normal to feel upset or frustrated when things don’t go our way. However, there’s a big difference between experiencing hardship and constantly playing the victim.
Those who habitually play the victim tend to always make things about themselves, even when it’s inappropriate or unrelated. They often dodge responsibility and blame others for their own actions or failures.
If someone is always telling you how hard their life is, how they’re never lucky, or how everyone else is to blame for their problems, there’s a good chance they’re not as nice as they seem. Genuine people accept responsibility for their actions and don’t constantly seek sympathy or attention.
5) They’re not kind to those who can’t do anything for them
In my opinion, one of the truest measures of a person’s character is how they treat those who can’t do anything for them in return.
I’ve seen people who are all smiles and charm when they’re dealing with someone who can benefit them in some way. But the moment they interact with someone who holds no such advantage, their demeanor changes completely.
They might ignore the waiter at a restaurant, dismiss the janitor at their office, or speak rudely to a homeless person on the street. These are the moments that truly reveal a person’s character.
Genuinely nice people treat everyone with respect and kindness, regardless of their social status or what they can offer in return.
6) They never apologize
Saying sorry can be hard. It requires swallowing your pride and admitting that you were wrong, which isn’t always easy. I’ve struggled with this myself, but I’ve learned that a sincere apology can mend bridges and strengthen relationships.
But some people just can’t seem to utter those two little words. No matter what they’ve done, they always find a way to justify their actions or shift the blame onto others.
This refusal to apologize can indicate a lack of empathy and an inability to take responsibility for their actions – two traits that are not usually associated with genuinely nice people.
7) They’re always bragging
Self-confidence is a good trait to have, but there’s a fine line between being confident and being arrogant. People who are truly nice and humble don’t feel the need to constantly show off their achievements or possessions.
If someone is always bragging about what they have, what they’ve done, or who they know, it can be a telltale sign that they’re not as nice as they seem. Bragging often indicates insecurity and a need for validation from others.
Genuinely nice people let their actions speak for themselves and don’t need to boast about their accomplishments to feel good about themselves. If someone is always talking themselves up, it might be time to question their true character.
8) They’re unkind to themselves
This may surprise you, but the way someone treats themselves can be a strong indicator of their true character. In my experience, people who are genuinely nice are also kind to themselves.
If someone is constantly putting themselves down, it can be a sign of self-centeredness. They might be fishing for compliments or seeking attention.
On the other hand, those who show themselves kindness and respect tend to do the same for others. They understand the importance of self-love and its impact on how they treat those around them.
Someone who doesn’t treat themselves well is likely not going to treat others well either.
Final thought: It’s about empathy
Empathy allows us to connect with others on a deeper level. It encourages kindness, fosters understanding, and promotes mutual respect.
When someone lacks empathy, they’re likely to display behaviors that are self-centered, dismissive, and hurtful, which are often subtle but telling signs of their character.
When it comes to assessing if someone is genuinely nice, look beyond their words and focus on their actions. Look for signs of empathy or a lack thereof.
Actions often reveal more about a person’s character than their words ever could. Whether it’s how they treat themselves or others, the real measure of niceness lies in their ability to empathize and show kindness consistently.
Take these subtle behaviors as guideposts in your journey of understanding others. And remember, niceness isn’t just about being polite; it’s a reflection of one’s capacity for empathy and respect towards others.