There’s a profound difference between being raised by supportive parents and those who are controlling.
This difference is often mirrored in the personality traits of the adults they become. Controlling parents, while usually well-meaning, may unintentionally mould their children into specific patterns of behaviour.
Growing up under such conditions, you might adopt certain traits without even realizing it. It’s not about blame but understanding how your upbringing shapes who you are today.
Let’s dive into these 10 personality traits often found in individuals raised by controlling parents. In recognizing them, you can better understand yourself and work towards personal growth.
1) Perfectionism
People who are raised by controlling parents often develop a tendency towards perfectionism.
Growing up in an environment where expectations are high and mistakes aren’t easily forgiven, they learn to strive for perfection at all times. They believe that the only way to receive love and approval is through flawless performance.
It’s a survival strategy, really. By ensuring everything is perfect, they hope to avoid criticism or negative attention from their parents.
However, this trait can persist into adulthood, creating an intense fear of failure and a constant pressure to perform at their best. It’s important to remember though, that being a perfectionist doesn’t necessarily mean one is perfect, but rather they are constantly striving for it.
Recognizing this trait can be the first step towards understanding one’s self better and working towards healthier personal standards.
2) Difficulty trusting others
Growing up with controlling parents, you often find it challenging to trust others. I can personally attest to this.
For instance, in my own life, I found that being raised by a controlling parent led to a deep-rooted skepticism of others’ intentions. My father was always very particular about who I hung out with, what activities I engaged in, and even the decisions I made about my own future. This level of control often left me questioning people’s motives.
As I grew older, this skepticism persisted. I found myself hesitant to open up or rely on others, fearing that they might have ulterior motives or would try to exert control over me.
This difficulty with trust can be a significant hurdle in building meaningful relationships as an adult. Recognizing it as a trait stemming from a controlling upbringing can be a crucial step in overcoming it.
3) Highly responsible
Children raised by controlling parents often take on adult responsibilities at a young age. This early exposure can lead to an inflated sense of responsibility in adulthood.
A study published in the Journal of Personality shows that individuals who grow up in controlling environments are more likely to develop a heightened sense of responsibility. They are often the ones who step up when something needs to be done, even if it’s not within their purview.
This trait, while admirable, can sometimes lead to stress and burnout. It’s important for individuals to recognize this tendency and work towards establishing boundaries to maintain their mental health.
4) Struggle with decision-making
Have you ever found yourself stuck in the cycle of indecision? For those raised by controlling parents, this can be a common occurrence.
When decisions are often made for you during your formative years, you may find it challenging to make choices as an adult. You might second-guess your decisions or feel overwhelmed by the possibilities.
This can extend from small decisions like choosing a meal at a restaurant, to larger life choices such as career paths or relationships.
Recognizing this trait can be instrumental in taking steps towards confident decision-making. Seeking advice, weighing options, and understanding that mistakes are a part of life, can all help build this skill.
5) Fear of confrontation
People raised by controlling parents often develop a fear of confrontation.
Growing up in an environment where expressing disagreement or dissatisfaction might lead to negative consequences, children learn to avoid confrontation at all costs. They might suppress their feelings or needs to maintain peace.
As adults, this fear can inhibit them from addressing issues or standing up for themselves. It might result in feeling unheard or undervalued in personal and professional relationships.
Understanding this fear is the first step towards learning healthier ways to express oneself and handle conflict. Remember, it’s okay to voice your opinion and stand up for what you believe in.
6) Craving for approval
At the heart of every child is a desire to make their parents proud. But for those raised by controlling parents, this craving for approval can become a driving force in their lives.
In a home where love and acceptance are contingent on performance or behavior, children learn to associate approval with self-worth. They grow up believing that they must earn love and acceptance through constant achievement.
As adults, this can lead to a relentless pursuit of perfection and a fear of failure. It can mean never feeling “good enough” no matter how much they accomplish.
If you recognize this trait in yourself, remember that your worth is not defined by your achievements or the approval of others. You are worthy just as you are. Acknowledging this can be a powerful step towards self-acceptance and growth.
7) Difficulty expressing emotions
In my childhood home, emotions were often viewed as a sign of weakness. My parents, while meaning well, preferred a stiff upper lip to emotional expression. Tears were met with disapproval and feelings were often brushed under the carpet.
As an adult, I found this upbringing led to a struggle with emotional expression. I would often suppress my feelings or downplay them to avoid appearing “weak”. This led to difficulties in forming deep, meaningful relationships and took a toll on my mental health.
Recognizing this trait was a turning point. It allowed me to work on expressing my emotions in a healthy way and understand the importance of emotional vulnerability in building strong relationships.
8) Highly adaptable
You might think that growing up with controlling parents would lead to rigidity, but surprisingly, it often results in highly adaptable adults.
When you’re constantly navigating shifting rules and expectations as a child, you become a pro at adjusting to new circumstances. You learn to read the room, adapt your behavior, and do what needs to be done to avoid conflict.
As an adult, this skill can prove to be a strength in various situations, from adjusting to new work environments to navigating social dynamics. However, it’s also crucial to balance adaptability with authenticity, ensuring you’re not losing yourself in the process of adapting to others’ expectations.
9) Struggle with self-identity
When your upbringing is characterized by control, you may find it challenging to form a clear self-identity.
Growing up, your preferences, choices, and even feelings may have been dictated or heavily influenced by your parents. This can make it difficult to separate your true self from the identity that’s been constructed for you.
As an adult, you might struggle with understanding who you truly are, separate from external influences. You may find it challenging to define your values, passions, and life goals.
Recognizing this struggle can be the first step towards self-discovery and building a strong sense of self-identity. It’s never too late to explore who you are and what you truly want in life.
10) Resilience
Despite the challenges that come with being raised by controlling parents, one trait that often emerges is resilience.
Growing up in a controlling environment, you learn to navigate obstacles, withstand pressure, and bounce back from setbacks. These experiences, while tough, can forge an incredible capacity for resilience.
This resilience can be a powerful asset in adulthood, helping you to tackle life’s challenges head-on. Embracing this trait can help you to turn past struggles into strength, and adversity into personal growth.