Raising successful and confident kids isn’t about pushing them, but about praising them.
The trick is – not all praise is created equal. Some words of encouragement can actually do more harm than good.
To truly help your children reach their full potential, it’s important to praise them for the right things.
This article will guide you through nine specific things you should be praising your kids for if you want them to grow up confident and successful.
Keep reading if you’re ready to learn how to positively influence your child’s development with the right kind of praise.
1) Effort over results
One of the most crucial things to praise in children is their effort.
Often, we fall into the habit of praising the outcome – the A+ grade, the winning goal, the first prize. But when we focus solely on the outcome, we inadvertently send a message that results are more important than the process of learning and trying.
What happens when they don’t come first, or when they don’t get an A+? Does it mean their efforts were worthless? Of course not. But that’s not the message they receive if we only cheer for victories.
Instead, praise your child for their hard work, determination, and perseverance. This encourages them to keep pushing, keep trying, even when things are tough.
Remember, success isn’t about always getting it right. It’s about having the courage to keep going even when things go wrong. And that’s a lesson worth teaching your kids.
2) Problem-solving skills
I’ve noticed with my own kids, it’s easy to jump in and solve their problems for them. After all, as parents, we want to protect them and make their lives easier. But this strategy can backfire.
Take my youngest for instance. She was struggling with a puzzle, getting more and more frustrated by the minute. My first instinct was to step in and show her how to solve it. But instead, I held back and encouraged her to keep trying.
After what felt like an eternity, she finally figured it out. The smile on her face was worth every difficult second of waiting.
From that day forward, I made sure to praise her problem-solving skills. Each time she faced a new challenge and tackled it head-on, I’d remind her of how proud I was of her persistence and problem-solving.
By doing this, not only did I boost her confidence, but I also taught her a valuable lesson – that she has the power to overcome challenges on her own.
3) Kindness
In a world where you can be anything, being kind is one of the most important traits to cultivate. And it’s something we should definitely be praising in our children.
Research shows that kids who engage in acts of kindness are more likely to be accepted by their peers. They are also more likely to have higher self-esteem and overall better mental health.
So next time your child shares their toys with a friend, helps their sibling with homework, or simply shows empathy towards others, make sure to praise them. Reinforcing these acts of kindness will not only make them feel good about themselves but also encourage them to continue being kind.
4) Taking initiative
As parents, we often find ourselves directing our children’s activities. But it’s important to recognize and praise them when they take the initiative themselves.
Whether it’s tidying up their toys without being asked, starting their homework on their own, or coming up with a creative idea for a school project, these are all instances that deserve recognition.
Praising your child for showing initiative fosters independence and confidence, and encourages them to take responsibility for their actions. It shows them that you trust their judgment and value their ideas, which in turn boosts their self-esteem.
5) Honesty
Honesty is a virtue that we all want our children to possess. But often, children might hide the truth out of fear of punishment or disappointing us.
That’s why it’s so important to praise your kids when they tell the truth, especially when it’s hard for them. They need to know that you value their honesty more than anything else.
If your child admits to a mistake or shares something difficult with you, commend their bravery and honesty. This will encourage them to continue being open and truthful, building trust and fostering a strong parent-child relationship.
6) Showing resilience
Life isn’t always easy. We all face setbacks and disappointments. And it’s during these challenging times that our true strength is tested.
When your child faces a setback, whether it’s a poor grade, a lost game, or a friendship dilemma, it’s crucial to praise their resilience.
Let them know how proud you are of them for picking themselves up and moving forward. Remind them that it’s not the fall that defines us, but how we rise after it.
There’s no better feeling than seeing your child bounce back stronger from adversity. By appreciating their resilience, you are instilling in them a sense of self-worth and confidence that will equip them to face future challenges head-on.
7) Expressing emotions
I remember a time when my son came home from school, visibly upset. He had had a disagreement with a close friend and was struggling to process his feelings.
Instead of brushing it off or telling him to ‘man up’, I encouraged him to express his emotions. We sat down, and he shared his feelings of hurt and confusion.
I praised him for being open about his emotions, letting him know that it’s perfectly normal to feel upset and it’s healthy to talk about it.
By doing this, I hope to teach him that expressing emotions is not a sign of weakness, but a strength. It’s a vital part of forming deep and meaningful relationships, understanding oneself better, and navigating through life’s ups and downs.
8) Asking for help
In a society that often values independence and self-reliance, asking for help can sometimes be seen as a weakness. But in reality, it’s a sign of strength and wisdom.
Recognizing when we need assistance and having the courage to ask for it is a skill that will serve your child well throughout their life. And it’s something that should be praised.
Whether it’s asking a teacher for clarification, seeking help from a sibling for a tricky puzzle, or even turning to you when they’re feeling overwhelmed, always commend your child for reaching out. This will reinforce the idea that seeking help is not only okay but is a smart and brave thing to do.
9) Being themselves
In a world that’s constantly trying to make us fit into certain molds, the greatest gift your child can give themselves is to embrace who they truly are.
Every child is unique, with their own strengths, weaknesses, passions, and quirks. And it’s this uniqueness that should be praised above all else.
When your child embraces their individuality – whether it’s a love for dinosaurs, an affinity for painting, or a quirky sense of humor – let them know how much you admire them for being true to themselves.
Because at the end of the day, there’s nothing more beautiful than seeing your child shine in their own unique way.
Final thoughts: It’s all about the approach
The way we praise our children has a profound impact on their self-esteem, confidence, and ultimately, their success in life.
Praising your child is not just about rewarding the outcomes but more about acknowledging the journey. It’s about recognizing their effort, resilience, and individuality. It’s about encouraging them to be honest, kind, and willing to ask for help when needed.
Remember, as Carol S. Dweck, a renowned psychologist and researcher at Stanford University, puts it: “Praising children’s intelligence harms their motivation and it harms their performance.”
What helps, instead, is focusing on the process they engage in – their effort, their strategies, their perseverance and determination.
Your praise becomes a subtle nudge that pushes them towards becoming better versions of themselves. It’s the whisper in their ear that says they are seen, they are valued, and they are loved for who they are.
So next time you find an opportunity to praise your child, remember these nine things. Because praise, when done right, can be one of the most powerful tools to nurture successful and confident children.