It’s hard to tell the difference between fighting for a relationship that’s just going through a rough patch and not knowing when to walk away from one that’s clearly toxic.
If you’ve ever found yourself stuck in a relationship that’s doing more harm than good, you’re not alone.
I’ve had those nights where I stayed up replaying every conversation, wondering if maybe I was holding on to something that was never going to change.
The real kicker? A lot of it comes down to our own personality traits—how we see ourselves, how we handle conflict, and what we think we deserve.
Sometimes, it’s our own tendencies that keep us trapped.
Here’s a look at nine common traits that can make it tough to let go when we really should.
1) Fear of being alone
In the realm of relationships, one’s mindset can greatly affect their decision making.
Research has proven that the fear of being alone is a powerful driving force.
It can lead them to hold on to relationships that are far from healthy.
This fear is often rooted in insecurities and self-doubt.
They worry that they won’t be able to find someone else if they leave their current partner, despite the toxic nature of the relationship.
It’s a self-fulfilling prophecy in many ways.
The fear of being alone leads them to stay in bad relationships, which in turn feeds their fear and insecurities.
2) Low self-esteem
I’ve seen firsthand how low self-esteem can trap you in a bad relationship.
Take me for example. A few years back, I found myself stuck in a toxic relationship.
Everything revolved around my partner’s needs while mine were constantly overlooked.
Why did I stay? Well, the answer lay within me. I struggled with low self-esteem.
I didn’t value myself enough to realize that I deserved better.
I thought that this was the best I could get, that somehow, I was lucky to even be in a relationship.
The turning point came when a close friend pointed out how unhappy I seemed.
It wasn’t easy, but I began to work on my self-esteem, to realize my worth.
And eventually, I found the strength to walk away from that relationship.
Low self-esteem can blind you to the reality of your situation.
When you don’t value yourself, you settle for less than you deserve.
3) High levels of empathy
Empathy is a beautiful trait. It allows us to understand and share the feelings of others.
However, when it comes to relationships, too much empathy can sometimes be a double-edged sword.
People with high levels of empathy often find themselves in toxic relationships because they can deeply understand and feel their partner’s struggles.
They hold on to the relationship, hoping that their love and understanding will fix their partner’s issues.
Psychologist and author Dr. Judith Orloff notes in her book “The Empath’s Survival Guide” that empaths, people who are highly sensitive to the emotions of others, are particularly susceptible to staying in unhealthy relationships.
They often absorb the emotions of their partner, making it harder for them to leave, despite the negative impact on their own wellbeing.
4) Resistance to change
Change is part and parcel of life, but for some people, it’s a concept that can be quite challenging.
Those who have a high resistance to change often find it difficult to let go of bad relationships.
They prefer to stick with what’s familiar, even if it’s harmful, rather than face the uncertainty of starting afresh.
This fear of the unknown can keep them stuck in unhealthy situations.
It’s like preferring to stay in a sinking ship because the thought of swimming in open water is too daunting.
5) Overly forgiving nature
Being forgiving is a virtue, no doubt.
But when forgiveness becomes a pattern, especially without any real change from the other person, it could be a sign of a deeper issue.
People with an overly forgiving nature often struggle to let go of harmful relationships.
They tend to forgive their partners repeatedly, even when the toxic behavior continues.
This cycle of hurt and forgiveness keeps them tethered to the relationship.
Forgiveness is a powerful gift, but it doesn’t mean accepting or allowing harmful behavior.
6) Hopefulness
Similarly, hope is a beautiful thing. It’s what keeps us going in the face of adversity.
However, it can also keep us tied to bad relationships.
Many people who struggle to let go of harmful relationships are often hopeful to a fault.
They cling to the belief that things will get better, that their partner will change.
They see potential where there is none, and they hang on to the promise of a better tomorrow that never seems to come.
This constant hope can make it incredibly difficult to accept the harsh reality of their situation and make the tough decision to leave.
Hope is precious, but it should never be at the expense of your happiness and well-being.
When your partner does not treat you well, the bravest thing you can do is to let go and move on.
7) Need for acceptance
Growing up, I was always the one trying to fit in.
I wanted to be liked, to be accepted.
This need followed me into my adult life and played a significant role in my relationships.
I stayed in a toxic relationship far longer than I should have, all because I craved acceptance from my partner.
I thought if I could just make them happy, if I could just be what they wanted, then I would finally feel accepted.
But it was a losing battle. No matter what I did, it was never enough.
It took me a while to realize that the acceptance I was seeking had to come from within me, not from someone else.
People who struggle with the need for acceptance often find themselves in harmful relationships.
They stay because they think their worth is tied to their partner’s approval.
8) Difficulty setting boundaries
Setting boundaries is important for any healthy relationship.
There should be a clear line between what’s acceptable and what’s not.
However, some people find it incredibly difficult to set and maintain these boundaries.
Those who struggle with this often find themselves in harmful relationships.
They allow their partners to overstep boundaries repeatedly, leading to a cycle of disrespect and mistreatment.
The inability to create and maintain boundaries can stem from various factors, including fear of conflict, low self-esteem, or even a lack of understanding of what constitutes a healthy boundary.
9) Codependency
At the heart of many toxic relationships is a concept known as codependency.
Codependent people often have an excessive emotional or psychological reliance on their partner.
They feel responsible for their partner’s happiness and validate themselves through their partner’s approval.
This reliance can make it incredibly hard to leave a bad relationship.
It feels like losing a part of themselves.
But again, it’s important to realize that your worth is not tied to another person.
You are complete and valuable on your own.
Rewrite your love story
We all have our reasons for staying, our fears and hopes that things might get better.
But when it’s clear that a relationship is doing more damage than good, it’s okay to say enough is enough.
It doesn’t mean you’re giving up or that you failed.
Letting go is a firm decision to choose yourself, to put your own well-being first.
It means you’re valuing yourself enough to step into something better.
If you see yourself in these traits, don’t be hard on yourself.
I only want you to realize what’s been holding you back and make room for the love and respect you truly deserve.
You’ve got this, and it’s never too late to rewrite your story.