There’s a fine line between being persuasive and being manipulative. Manipulation, unlike influence, is about concealing intentions to get what you want.
Manipulative people often use specific phrases to win your trust without revealing their true motives.
In this article, we’ll uncover 10 phrases that manipulative individuals often use to gain your trust. By recognizing these phrases, you’ll be better equipped to protect yourself from their subtle tricks.
Let’s dive in.
1) “I’m just like you…”
One of the oldest tricks in the manipulator’s book is to make you feel like they’re one of your own.
They’ll use phrases that emphasize similarities between you and them. They might talk about shared experiences, common interests, or even pretend to have the same values as you.
The goal here is to break down your defenses by creating a sense of familiarity and camaraderie. After all, we’re more likely to trust people who are like us, right?
This tactic is so effective because it taps into our innate desire for connection and belonging. But remember, just because someone says they’re “just like you,” doesn’t always mean it’s true. Be sure to look for consistent actions that back up their words.
In the hands of a manipulator, this phrase can be a tool for deceit, so keep your wits about you.
2) “You’re the only one who understands…”
Manipulative people know how to play on our empathy. They often use phrases that make you feel special, needed, or privy to their most intimate thoughts.
I remember a former friend who would often tell me, “You’re the only one who understands me.” At first, it felt good to be trusted and valued. But over time, I began to realize that this phrase was a manipulative tool.
Every time we had a disagreement or I tried to set boundaries, she’d use this phrase to guilt me into backing down. By making me feel like I was her only ally, she could manipulate me into doing things I wasn’t comfortable with.
It took me a while to recognize this pattern. But once I did, I realized that genuine relationships are based on mutual understanding and respect, not manipulation and guilt-trips.
3) “I hate to ask, but…”
Manipulative people are experts at couching their requests in language that makes it seem like they’re doing you a favor by asking. They might start with, “I hate to ask, but…” or “I know this is a lot, but…”
This phrase is particularly cunning because it taps into our natural inclination to help others. When someone starts a request by saying they hate to ask, it makes us feel like we’re stepping up to help in a big way.
Psychology reveals that when we do someone a favor, we actually tend to like them more because our brains rationalize that we must like this person if we’re going out of our way for them. This is known as the Benjamin Franklin Effect.
While it’s great to help others, be cautious of those who consistently use this phrase as a preface to their requests. They may be using your good nature for their own benefit.
4) “Don’t you trust me?”
Trust is a fundamental part of any relationship, and manipulative people know how to exploit it well. They use phrases like, “Don’t you trust me?” to make you second guess your instincts and quell any doubts you might have.
This phrase usually pops up when you question their actions or ask for clarification. Instead of providing straightforward answers, they flip the script and make you feel guilty for questioning them in the first place.
By using this tactic, they’re trying to divert attention from their questionable behavior and make you feel like the one who’s in the wrong.
Trust is earned through actions, not words. If someone consistently dodges your questions with this phrase, it may be a red flag.
5) “I would never lie to you…”
Manipulative people often use phrases like, “I would never lie to you…” to assert their honesty and gain your trust. But ironically, this phrase can be a sign of dishonesty.
Truthful people usually don’t need to stress their honesty so explicitly. They let their actions speak for them. On the contrary, manipulators often use such phrases to cover up their deceitful behavior.
If someone feels the need to constantly reassure you of their honesty, take it with a grain of salt. Trust should be felt, not forced. It’s built on consistent truthfulness, not empty promises.
6) “I only want what’s best for you…”
This phrase, when used genuinely, can be a sign of sincere concern and care. However, in the hands of a manipulator, it can become a powerful tool for control.
Manipulative people often use phrases like, “I only want what’s best for you…” to justify their actions, even when those actions go against your wishes or comfort.
They make you feel like they’re acting out of love or concern, making it harder for you to question their intentions. You might even start doubting your own judgment, thinking they know better.
But remember this: you are the best judge of what’s right for you. Anyone who truly cares for you will respect your decisions and autonomy, not use their concern as a disguise for control. Always trust your instincts and stand firm in your choices.
7) “No one else cares about you like I do…”
This phrase is a classic manipulation tactic used to isolate you from your support system. The manipulator wants to make you feel like they’re the only one who truly cares about you.
I recall a time when an acquaintance used this phrase on me. Each time I spent time with others or leaned on different friends for support, they would insinuate that those people didn’t care about me as much as they did.
Over time, this slowly chipped away at my relationships and self-esteem. It was a tough lesson, but it taught me the importance of maintaining diverse relationships and not allowing anyone to monopolize my sense of self-worth or belonging.
8) “You’re too sensitive…”
This phrase might not seem immediately manipulative, but it’s often used to undermine your feelings and reactions. By labeling you as “too sensitive,” manipulators can dismiss your concerns and make you feel like you’re overreacting.
It’s a clever way of deflecting criticism and avoiding accountability. Instead of addressing the issue at hand, they turn it around on you, making it seem like the problem lies with your reaction, not their actions.
However, it’s crucial to remember that your feelings are valid. If something doesn’t sit right with you, it’s okay to voice your concerns. Don’t let anyone make you feel guilty for expressing your feelings or standing up for yourself.
9) “I didn’t mean it like that…”
Manipulative individuals often use phrases like, “I didn’t mean it like that…” whenever they’re called out on their hurtful comments or actions. This phrase works to deflect blame and make you question your interpretation of the situation.
The goal here is to make you feel guilty for misunderstanding them, thereby shifting the blame from their actions to your perceptions. It’s a classic case of gaslighting, where they make you doubt your reality and judgment.
If someone’s actions consistently hurt you, it’s not your misunderstanding. You have every right to express your feelings and expect respect in return.
10) “I’m only telling you this for your own good…”
This phrase is often a disguise for unsolicited advice, criticism, or control. Manipulators use it to justify their actions, making it seem like they’re doing you a favor or looking out for your best interests.
However, remember this: what’s “for your own good” should be determined by you, not someone else. You have the right to make your own choices and learn from your own experiences.
No one else should use this phrase as an excuse to exert control over your decisions. Stay vigilant and trust your judgment.