8 things in life that don’t actually matter in the long run, according to psychology

As someone who’s spent a good chunk of his life studying mindfulness and Buddhism, I’ve come to realize that many of the things we fret about daily don’t really matter in the grand scheme of things.

Hi, I’m Lachlan Brown, the founder of Hack Spirit. I’ve delved deep into the teachings of psychology and I’m here to share some enlightening insights with you.

We often find ourselves stressing over things that, upon reflection, aren’t all that significant. The question is: how do we identify what truly matters and what doesn’t?

In this article, I’ll walk you through 8 things in life that, according to psychology, don’t actually mean much in the long run.

Let’s get started.

1) Daily drama

Life often feels like a soap opera, doesn’t it? One minute everything’s fine, the next minute, you find yourself caught in a whirlwind of drama.

Now, I’m not saying we should ignore all conflicts or uncomfortable situations. As a mindfulness practitioner, I believe in addressing issues head-on. But it’s also important to understand that most of the daily drama we engage in doesn’t hold much weight in the long run.

According to psychology, our brains are wired to react to immediate threats or problems. It’s part of our survival instinct. But in modern life, this can mean getting overly caught up in small disputes or misunderstandings.

Remember: not every hill is worth dying on. Most of the time, the drama that consumes us today will be forgotten tomorrow. So next time you find yourself embroiled in a conflict, take a mindful breath and ask yourself: will this matter in the long run? If not, it might be best to let it go and focus on what truly matters.

2) Chasing after material wealth

I’ll be honest. I, like many people, once believed that acquiring more stuff would bring me happiness. But as I delved deeper into the teachings of Buddhism and mindfulness, I learned that true contentment lies elsewhere.

Psychology agrees. A wealth of research indicates that after a certain point, increased income does not equate to increased happiness. We often find ourselves on a never-ending treadmill, continually chasing after the next big thing, only to realize that it doesn’t provide the satisfaction we were hoping for.

Buddhist monk Thich Nhat Hanh once wisely said, “The present moment is filled with joy and happiness. If you are attentive, you will see it.” This quote serves as a reminder to me that real joy is found not in material possessions but in the present moment.

While it’s perfectly okay to strive for financial security, remember that material wealth, in the grand scheme of things, isn’t as important as we’re often led to believe. Instead, focus on cultivating mindfulness and appreciating the here and now.

3) Holding onto grudges

Holding onto grudges is like clutching a hot coal with the intention of throwing it at someone else; in the end, you’re the one who gets burned. This is a famous saying in Buddhism, and it’s just as relevant in the realm of psychology.

When someone hurts us, our first instinct might be to hold onto that pain, nurturing resentment and anger. But the truth is, holding onto grudges does more harm to ourselves than it does to the person who wronged us.

In fact, according to psychology, holding grudges can lead to stress, anxiety, depression, and even physical health problems. It keeps us stuck in the past and prevents us from moving forward.

In contrast, forgiving and letting go – although challenging – is truly liberating. It allows us to live in the present moment instead of being shackled by past wrongs.

In the grand scheme of things, grudges don’t matter. Our peace of mind and emotional well-being do. So if you’re holding onto a grudge, consider whether it’s really worth your mental health.

4) Seeking constant approval

In our social media-driven world, it’s easy to get caught in the trap of seeking constant approval from others. We post a photo, share a thought, and then anxiously wait for the likes and comments to roll in.

But here’s a mindfulness wake-up call: Constantly seeking approval from others is a never-ending cycle that can lead to stress, anxiety, and low self-esteem. We become so focused on how we’re perceived that we lose touch with our authentic selves.

Psychology supports this. Studies show that basing our self-worth on external validation can lead to decreased mental well-being.

Practicing mindfulness helps us shift this unhealthy focus. It encourages us to turn inward and find validation within ourselves. We learn to accept ourselves as we are, without needing the stamp of approval from others.

When it comes down to it, the only approval that truly matters in the long run is our own. So let’s stop investing so much of our energy into what others think and start cultivating self-acceptance instead.

5) Living with a big ego

In my journey through life and while writing my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego, I’ve discovered that living with a big ego can be a real obstacle to long-lasting happiness.

The ego, that part of ourselves that craves recognition, validation, and superiority, often ends up driving our actions and decisions. But this constant need to prove ourselves can lead to stress, conflict, and dissatisfaction.

Psychology echoes this sentiment. Research indicates that individuals with inflated egos often struggle with interpersonal relationships and emotional well-being.

Buddhist teachings advocate for the reduction of ego. By setting aside our self-importance, we can cultivate humility, empathy, and genuine connections with others.

The size of your ego won’t matter in the long run. What matters is your impact on the world and the people around you. And as I discuss in my book, living with a smaller ego allows you to make a positive impact while enjoying a more peaceful life.

6) Unfulfilled expectations

We all have expectations. We expect certain outcomes from our actions, certain behaviors from people, and certain turns in our life path. But the truth is, life rarely goes according to plan.

Buddhist teachings remind us that attachment to specific outcomes is a direct route to suffering. This includes clinging to our expectations. When reality doesn’t align with what we’ve envisioned, it can lead to disappointment, frustration, and stress.

This isn’t just a Buddhist belief; it’s backed by psychology as well. Studies show that rigidly holding onto expectations can negatively impact our mental health.

In contrast, practicing mindfulness helps us accept reality as it is, without judgment or resistance. It encourages us to let go of our preconceived notions and embrace the unpredictability of life.

In the grand scheme of things, unfulfilled expectations don’t matter. What matters is how we respond to life’s twists and turns. So let’s loosen our grip on expectations and find peace in the present moment.

7) The quest for perfection

Many of us are caught in the relentless pursuit of perfection. We strive to have the perfect body, the perfect job, the perfect relationship. But here’s a reality check: Perfection is an illusion.

In his teachings, Zen master Shunryu Suzuki said, “Each of you is perfect the way you are… and you can use a little improvement.” This quote beautifully encapsulates the Buddhist view on perfection. We are all perfectly imperfect in our own unique ways.

Psychology concurs. Striving for perfection can lead to anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem. It sets us up for failure because it’s an unattainable goal.

Instead of chasing after an illusion, let’s embrace our flaws and imperfections. They’re part of what makes us human. In the grand scheme of things, being perfect doesn’t matter; being authentically ourselves does.

8) Endless busyness

In today’s fast-paced world, being busy is often worn as a badge of honor. We equate busyness with productivity, with success, with a life well-lived. But here’s a counterintuitive thought: Endless busyness doesn’t matter in the long run.

Mindfulness teaches us the importance of slowing down, of being present in each moment. When we’re constantly rushing from one task to another, we’re not truly living; we’re just existing.

Psychology supports this. Research shows that chronic busyness can lead to stress, burnout, and a decreased quality of life.

So instead of filling every minute of your day with tasks and activities, try incorporating moments of stillness and reflection. Take time to savor your morning coffee, to watch a sunset, or to simply breathe.

In the grand scheme of things, it’s not how busy you are that matters; it’s how fully you live each moment. And sometimes, doing less can help you live more.

Conclusion

It’s clear that many of the things we stress over daily aren’t as important as we may believe. What truly matters is cultivating mindfulness, living authentically, and embracing the here and now.

If you’re interested in delving deeper into these concepts, I invite you to check out my book, Hidden Secrets of Buddhism: How To Live With Maximum Impact and Minimum Ego. It provides practical insights on how to reduce ego, live mindfully, and make a positive impact on the world.

Ultimately, remember this: Life is a journey, not a destination. It’s not about perfection or constant busyness, but about cherishing each moment and living with compassion, authenticity, and mindfulness. Here’s to a life well-lived!